if so, tell me

i'm trying so hard
i never understand
i'm screaming so hard
without hearts without hands
i want to BE so hard
i am a pile of sand
i hate my thoughts
cause they're so clear
i hate myself
for self crushing fear
it's fear or love
but am i one of the above?
do i know anything?
do the things i know mean anything?
to me? to people? to anyone?
are they worth a dime?
am i the only one in line?
do i even need to question?
do i want to do this perfectly,
or go on like this endlessly?

~sev.